How much anesthesia would be enough?

I am alive. A strange thing to proclaim. As this is the most fundamental, most obvious thing. I am typing these keys and vomiting out my thoughts as I am alive. So it is a mundane fact. But yet this is the most amazing fact. I am alive so I can move my fingers. So being alive is being able to control your body parts? Not quite. When I am asleep I have no clue where my arms or legs are or whether my mouth is open or closed (which I wish I would know as it becomes embarrassing sometimes). But nonetheless I am alive even in those moments of almost zero control over my own body.

I am alive as I can think. So being alive is being able to think? But we stop thinking so many times. Not only when we are asleep but in a drunken state or struck by cupid or faced by death.

I am alive as I can feel the pain in my tooth (or the hollow left as I got my tooth extracted today! Ironically it was my wisdom tooth which I got rid off…..so this blabbering is a result of that). Feeling pain makes me alive. Of but this pain was can be controlled by the anesthesia. The anesthesia can be increased to ensure that no pain is felt. That’s what the doctor promised me, “I would not let you have pain, just tell me if you feel pain and I would give you one more shot”. I did that. And the operation which people get done with one shot, I got it done with three shots. But I needed that to lose some aliveness of mine.

So it is difficult to decide what makes us alive. But what is a simple observable fact is that the aliveness can be lost temporarily. I know it can be lost completely as well.

But Dear all, I want to talk about life and not about death.

Let’s come to the title. How much anesthesia do we need or is enough? Well in case of pain it is easy know. If it still hurts I know I need more of it. In case of heart break if I know if I still think of the ex-sweetheart I need more of it. Well the shot varies for people; some go crazy shopping, some need to chatter, some would drink and so on.

But these are extreme cases. In more normal and so called rational states of mind, do we need to loose a little aliveness? Well instead of making generalization let me just state that I think I take sedatives everyday. Sometimes I question my work, and the reason for it, the meaning of it etc. but my experience has been that after that I would indulge even more in my work. To explain this my hypothesis is that I work even more hard not because I want to but because that helps me forget the question.

Let me take leave here today and would blabber some more tomorrow.

For next few hours let us live without sedatives.

a friend inside your heart

When the days seem dark,
When you are losing your internal spark
When smiling seems difficult
When the tears wanna trickle out
When the need of a friend is urgent
And none are visible around
Look inside your heart
Where the god always resides
Ask him for his light
And brighten up the days
Ask him for his light
And relit the dying spark
He will give a reason to smile
Look inside your heart and you would find a friend who’ll not part.

Educate me please!
I need it sure.
But don’t teach me things
That I don’t care for.
Learning you think
Is knowing more and more
But how come I feel
That view is only yours.
May be its not for me to say all this
Pardon me if too boastful or wrong.
But without the cramming I can clearly think
My eyes are sharp my memory is strong
Spectacles which are thick
Scare me a lot
And bags which are heavy
Hinder my growth.
Educate me please,
As I need it for sure.
But stopping me from being me
Is too much of a cost.

Richa

stories

How incomplete stories are
but then they are stories
and not supposed to tell the whole lives.
They tell us what the author
wanted to say.
Not a word more
not a word less.
The story of Alchemist
told me a lot
not all, but still a lot.
it never told me about the
suffering the boy must have gone through
before becoming the shepherd.
How many people he consulted
to reach peace?
How come his dad was so supportive?
or is it that Dads are always supportive?

हर शाम.....

हर शाम अपने साथ इतनी बेचैनी क्यूँ लाती है?
सुबह का इंतज़ार मुझसे ज्यादा कीसे होगा
कदम उठ भी रहे हैं, चलने का अहसास भी है
पर मैं अपनी जगह पर जड़ हूँ, ये आभास भी है
हर रात से हाथ जोड़कर प्रार्थना करके देखा है
पर सुबह की धुंध है की कम होती नहीं
एक सुबह वो होगी जब फूल मुस्कुराएंगे
इसलिए नहीं क्युंकी उन्हें मुस्कुराना चाहीये
बल्कि इसलिए क्यूंकि वो चाहते हैं मुस्कुराना
उस सुबह सुरक चमकेगा ऐसे सब कुछ भस्म कर दे जैसे
पर उससे पिछली रात
और बहुत सी पीछ्ली रातें
नम होंगी
कुछ भीगी और कुछ सीली होंगी

Love

I think I am in love

I said this to my self

Is this really love

I asked my self

So me and myself

Started a debate

May be this would help me

Define my state

I wait for his call

Whole day long

His words now seem

More beautiful than a song

I go online to just

Check his name

And I tell my mind

to stop playing these games

Thinking of him

I can collide with a truck

For his presence in my life

I thank my luck